3 in the Morning...

Hey guys...

So... It's 3:23 in the morning. I should be doing homework and I'm not. I swear I'll get to it. That's why I'm up this late. Really I stayed up last night and then I crashed at like... 5 or 6 yesterday... I woke up around 1 in the morning and realized I hadn't done any homework. ... Good thing tomorrow is Friday.

Fortunately I have a lovely evening planned on Saturday. Sigh... Gyoza... mmmm. Yes, be jealous.

I also talked to my sister for a good couple of hours on... Wednesday, things get so jumbled, I swear. She's got an excellent outline ready for her book and we've made a pact that when she gets home, (She's finishing up army training and will be home in a couple of weeks) We are going to work on our stories together and get things PERFECT. Then she can get published. I'll keep writing and working on stuff. It's going to be marvelous and wonderful.

You know what else is marvelous and wonderful? Having baking supplies at your fingertips. Made some cookie dough an hour ago... mhmmm. So good. Now I'm stuffed on sugar and butter and prcrastinating the inevitable.

You know what I realized as I woke up this morning. Which really I already knew but I think is really... infuriating, wonderful, annoying, simple, amazing, mind boggling... There is a word for this. But I can't find one that encompasses everything that I am feeling right now.

So I woke up after dreaming about something or other, I think in my dream I was asked to give a talk and so I was in the middle of speaking... Oh, I was singing and performing or something and I couldn't remember the words because I didn't prepare and the book I was using had the STUPID ENGLISH TRANSLATION and not the original French text. I tell you. Idiots.
Anyway, that doesn't have any connection with what I realized.

I realized that we all know... what we should do. There is a clear... This is right and this is wrong. It's really obvious, we all have a concience, we all know where we came from where we are going and what we SHOULD be doing... SO WHY DO WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME DOING IT? Why can't we just stick to the plan?

People say we can't be perfect. True... Does that mean we should give it up as a lost cause? It isn't IMPOSSIBLE.

It's so simple to live without bad things bothering you all the time.

THEN I realized that the "plan" we have are guidelines to keep us safe happy. So yeah, right now I'm pretty safe and happy. NOW I'm supposed go beyond that and try and find my purpose in life. Which is much much much much much MUCH more difficult......

It's like when you are in a History class and the teacher doesn't want you to just spit out facts... they want you to actually apply it. Write essays and stuff... actually apply yourself. Much harder.

But... Much more satisfying if done right. I think that's how it connected to my dream... I wanted to perform to the best of my abilities but couldn't because I hadn't prepared or really put in the effort.

Story of my life.